How to use the library
by Demented Insane Spirit
Summary: Isis, who needs to go to the library to get some books is forced to bring Bakura and Marik, who are very reluctant. The past haunts Bakura and Marik has suddenly found a new passion – magazines! Pure humor!


Title: How to use the library 

_Genre: Humor_

_Rating: M_

_Summary: Isis, who needs to go to the library to get some books is forced to bring Bakura and Marik, who are very reluctant. The past haunts Bakura and Marik has suddenly found a new passion – magazines! Pure humor!_

_Disclaimer: I do not own YuGiOh, Playboy, Penthouse, AOL, Yahoo, MSN, or any other brand names in this fic, hehehe._

_Notes/Warnings: Pure humor; Marik's perverseness revealed!; and Isis' demons unleashed!_

X 

"Where are you going, Isis?" Marik demanded, walking in the kitchen with Bakura at heels, who was yawning in boredom.

"To the library," she said simply, putting her library books in a bag to return. Both males grinned, realizing that they would be left alone in the house, able to cause as much chaos as they wished, just like Malik had left this morning to do with the dart gun he had gotten from the mail just that day. "All right, boys, go get in the car."

"What?" Both turned to her, shock written on their faces. She raised her eyebrows.

"You didn't really think I was going to leave you two here alone, did you?"

"We're not babies, Isis," Marik growled, glaring. "We can take care of things here!"

"Must I remind you of Bakura and Ryou's computer and you're so-called TV show?"

Silence...

"Bitch."

"I know, I know, now get in the car."

X

HONK HONK!

"GET OFF THE ROAD, YOU MORON!"

SCRRRRRRREEEEEEEECCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHH!"

"!#$#$(? !" (AKA, a LOT of cussing)

"YEAH, WELL BACK TO YOU BUDDY!"

VROOM!

"HEY LADY, WATCH IT!"

"GO (BEEP) YOURSELF, ASSHOLE!"

(OO)

At last, they arrived at the library, without a scratch on the car or themselves.

"All right, we're here!" Isis chirped to the two, who had been clinging to the seats, on account of the idiots had neglected putting their seatbelts on. (A/N: This, my friends, is a portrayal of my mother's – and brother's – driving) The two stumbled out of the car, glancing at each other.

"I thought your sister was a better driver than that..." Bakura muttered, trying hard to look casual.

"What the hell gave you _that_ idea!"

X

"You two be good, all right? I just need to get a few books," Isis went off, leaving the two staring after her. Bakura shrugged and went off, hands in pockets. Then he heard it. The thing that had changed his look on life –

"YOU'VE GOT MAIL!"

"N-no! It cannot be!" Bakura gasped, whirling in a circle, then another circle, looking for the box called "computer". Then he spotted it. Slowly he stepped towards it. Someone had left it on his or her library account. Bakura could only stare in shock at the AOL screen. Swallowing, he sat down and stared at the screen. He was about to push 'Enter', but pop-ups suddenly came up and the last one showed the most. It was of a video. He grinned at the naked woman – then she turned to an evil monster.

"CHANGETOYAHOOCHANGETOYAHOO – " the monster chanted.

"AWWWWWWWWW!" Bakura shrieked in horror.

X

Marik was going past some magazines, then suddenly stopped.

"Hello there," he murmured, grinning at the Playboy and Penthouse. "Where have you been all my life?" He took the magazines and sat down in an empty cubicle. He opened it to the middle and grinned, then he jumped, hearing –

"AWWWWWWWWW!"

"What the – "

SLAM!

Marik groaned as Bakura threw himself at Marik, whose head got smashed against the ground.

"GET OFF ME!"

"IT'S COME BACK FOR ME, MARIK!"

"What _are_ you talking about!"

"YAHOO! AND AOL! OH RA, I'M STUCK IN THE MIDDLE OF THEIR FEUD!"

"What the hell? GET OFF ME, BAKURA!" Marik shoved his companion off him, scowling. "I'm trying to enjoy my ladies!" At that, he turned away and Bakura stared at him. Then someone grabbed the Egyptian, covering his mouth.

"(OO) MMM!" Bakura pulled Marik's hair, but the man had him in a different aisle when Marik turned around.

"WHAT DO YOU – Huh?" Marik blinked, staring at the empty space. Frowning, he shrugged, turning back to his porn. "Hehehe..."

X

"Are you Bakura Ryou, Ryou Bakura, yami, abiou?"

"(OO) Yes?"

"I'm from the Committee of AOL."

"Oh Ra..."

"Did anyone call you, telling you to change to Yahoo?"

"Yes."

"Who?"

"I don't know, he had the voice of the 'You've got mail' thing."

"Oh?"

"Yeah..." Bakura gulped.

"Well, well...Thank you – GO FOR AOL!" And at that, the man left. Bakura sighed, but when he turned another man was there.

"Are you going for AOL? They are cheap – rip-offs! You can't like AOL! YAHOO IS BETTER!"

"OH RA!" Then Bakura realized he knew who this Yahoo man was. "Honda Hiroto?"

"NO! MY NAME IS YAHOOMAN4EVR!"

"(oO) Get your hand off my ass or I'm going to hurt you."

"Oh, my bad, I thought you might drift that way, and um...I'm really attracted to you, so..."

"(OO) GET AWAY FROM ME!"

SNATCH!

"YAHOO IS THE BEST! GO FOR YAHOO, BAKURA! AOL SUCKS!" Then, he, too, left. Bakura stood there, then glanced at a book. He picked it up and opened it.

She took his firm rod and sheathed it inside of her bolt – 

(OO)

At that, Bakura slid the book in his coat and whistling, walked off.

Clump.

"(o.o) Now where did that come from?" Bakura asked the people, who stared at the book that had fallen from his coat. When he ran to make his great getaway, he slammed into one of the shelves and suddenly they became like dominoes. As for Bakura, he was passed out underneath on, which wasn't squishing him, thank Ra.

X

"Hm?" Marik looked up and saw that a shelf was coming for him. "AUGH!" Leaving his "ladies", he ran and barely made it.

"MARIK ISHTAR, WHAT DID YOU DO!" Isis demanded of her brother.

"It wasn't me this time, honest! I was sitting, reading – "

"_Reading_?"

Silence...

"Okay, _looking at pictures_ and the shelf nearly hit me!"

"Well...Where's Bakura?"

(groan)

They looked down to see Bakura crawling out from underneath a shelf. He snatched the book he was going to steal and stuffed it – plus some other twenty books – in his coat. "What?" He demanded of the two that were staring at him.

"YAHOO BAKURA!"

"AOL BAKURA!" The two men had come to his rescue and stared at each other. "_YOU_."

"Well, well, Honda, looks like Yahoo is going DOWN!"

"NO WAY, PEGASUS! NEVER!"

"(OO) PEGASUS?" Bakura exclaimed, standing up, all the books falling from his coat. Isis stared at them.

"_Romance books_?"

"They have sex scenes in them, so sue me!"

"Who's Pegasus?" Marik asked dumbly.

"A gay bunny-loving man who should be dead," Bakura informed him. (A/N: No offense to those who like Honda or Pegasus)

"And...Uh, Pencil-Head over there?"

"A gay, worthless, bad-haired loser who should also be dead."

"Ah...I say run. What say you, Bakura?"

"I'm all for that." And at that, they ran – both stealing a book/magazine. Isis stared after them.

"YOU TWO ARE GOING TO CLEAN THIS UP!"

"THE HELL IF WE ARE!" Both shouted back at her.

"ALL RIGHT!" Honda suddenly said. "Let's duel!"

Slapslapslapslapslapslapslapslapslapslapslap –

(-.-)

"Oh forget it..." Isis muttered, stealing a few books for herself and hurrying after Bakura and Marik.

X

DIS: Hmm...Not as good as I'd had liked it, but it came out okay. Please review and tell me what it was like! _Adieu_!


End file.
